...and i will try to fix you

as i sit here, watching so you think you can do, the Coldplay song "fix you" comes on. and they dance. and i realize what has been holding me back. i'm so scared to love again, because i wonder if i will have enough energy to sustain such feelings, because i just feel so empty now. i want someone to want to fix me, to hold me, to sustain me. i was always chasing Norwalk, heartbreak after heartbreak. i put him on a pedestal our freshman year, and it was exhausting to be me, to want him, to want him to want me.

and high above or down below

when you're too in love to let it go

but if you never try you'll never know

just what you're worth

...and i will try to fix you.

i know that i need to stand on my own two feet. but just for a moment, i want someone to carry me. unconditionally. because i want to love again. i just have a hard time imagining how it will begin. but maybe if i'm swept off my feet, i won't even have to see it coming.