the family arrives!

the mama, sis, and aunt will be arriving any second! my apartment has never been this clean - i unpacked the last box from my CT move yesterday; dusted (around the trinkets on the tabletops but still), vacuumed, and i can see my floor (even if i cheated and but the rest of the loose clothes in the laundry hamper). but i bought flowers for beside the bedside for my mama and aunt and i have the towels all laid out for them... i even washed my sheets and quilt! i wanted to be a good hostess, just like Whitney from The Glamorous Life of a Housewife!

(sorry it's a bit dark - i just wanted to capture the moment from my phone)

i feel a bit frazzled - i am not sure exactly what our itinerary will be - but if the weather is great tomorrow, we will go to Longwood Gardens for the lily festival. but where for dinner? i miss Dad - he always made the plans, and they were always flawless.

i cannot wait for my hugs.

something borrowed

i finished this book by emily griffins... loved it. even though i knew the premise... i even knew the ending... i was hooked. and i had to finish it tonight... oh to have those feelings of just complete comfort that you have when you are with the one that you love.

i mailed Portland the oops-penguin card that Elmo made (because my Pens lost but his Flyers are still in it!) - i wonder what he will think/feel when he sees the envelope in his mailbox. how will he respond? will he respond? he hasn't brought up the idea of me visiting him this summer again. i told him i wanted a formal invitation - i was kind of hoping that he would write me a letter ha. he's a boy. i shouldn't expect so much maybe, from someone i'm not even dating!

i wanted to remember this quote from something borrowed (page 284)

"maybe the thing to do after you roll the dice - and lose - is simply to pick them up and roll them again."

and i found this quote on etsy:

"i don't know if i run for my thighs or my head." i need to remember that i like to run. i gotta get back in the groove - in the words of nicey nash - my "wobbly bits" are back! must get back in shape for me. so that when i find my man... i will love me so that he can love me.

night!

babies!

N, M, S-A, and i met in Old City for a bbq dinner and then the movie babies, which i absolutely adored. seeing the similarities and differences across the globe - the african and mongolian cultures were unlike anything that i expected. and i couldn't help myself - i caught myself scoring the Mullen - like variegated babbling, two syllable words... and then all the spontaneous imitation - it was a developmental psychologist's dream movie!

M and i had a fun car ride. her boyfriend is asking her parents' for permission to ask her to marry him this weekend, and then they are going to europe together this summer (where he will propose...they have already looked at rings together). and he is moving here in july. i am so envious... but more than that... i feel like i am losing the chance for an amazing friendship - we listened to my music and danced and sang and just chatted like two girlfriends. i hope to make some good friends soon.

ta-ta!

monday, not a funday

eh. i need a summer routine... one that does not consist of tv from 4-11pm. what makes me mad is that while i was "relaxing" i was also making phone calls to schedule visits... and just worry about my data collection.

and then, i had made plans a while ago to see the "babies" movie with a few friends... and while everyone agreed... no one picked a time... or a place to meet... just a total lack of planning... made me feel like no one was interested... so i finally emailed and was like "um hello?" am i too sensitive?

the bachelorette started tonight! i adore how these boys try to charm her... i want romance!

i texted Portland when the Flyers won....and he totally flirted back! :)

just finished reading

miss you most of all by elizabeth bass. i thought i wasn't going to like it after the first fifty pages, but the characters absolutely grew on me... although it was also sad and made me miss my family... whenever characters face the impending death of a loved one, i also think about my own dad, and what i would have said if we had known that he would be in Heaven soon. love you dad, and mama, and sis.

sometimes

life is good.

i slept in til 10am. had cinnamon swirl toast from loafers and my homemade latte. while reading the sunday new york times style section. these are the moments when i feel like maybe i can handle being a grown-up, living on my own.

now i MUST clean my apartment before my family arrives next weekend. no joke- i still have a box that is not unpacked from when i moved from CT a year ago!

xoxo

what does that mean?

Portland asked me about my sister's graduation... meaning he remembered and cared?

a moment to wallow.

i miss him tonight. it was one of those summer days with an afternoon shower... a day to be cozy, together. i think i'm doing amazingly well - fierce, independent... but i miss his kisses, his arms around me. Portland called tonight, after the flyers victory... did my heart flutter? or do i simply want it to flutter because i miss the ex? i bragged yesterday that it has been such a clean break-up... who was i trying to kid? he gave me that promise ring and i still do not know why he would do that if he didn't love me with every inch of his heart. even he didn't have an answer when i asked that last conversation. and i hate that he hasn't called me, that he hasn't realized that i am the love of his life and he must beg for my forgiveness and he wants me back. would i let him have the broken pieces of my heart again? we played such games in college - i always thought we were meant to be because of the tug of war game that we played... why else would i continue to love him even after he took another girl to formal, time after time? we just clicked. alright, no more wallowing.

tomorrow's a new day.

such a fun night.

today was a great day. i was a big girl and got my oil changed this morning, then had a session at the preschool. then i interviewed for a position at the ronald mcdonald house - i'm so excited to start volunteering again. and then i headed downtown for my yale reunion! i arrived a bit early, so i checked out the reading terminal market, and had a crepe with nutella and strawberries and bananas that rivaled any from Paris (or perhaps i was starving!) and then i walked into the hotel without knowing a soul and ran into an old colleague and then i suddenly found so many familiar faces... i was so proud that i went because i really was tired and just wanted to relax on my couch... but i had so.much.fun.

i saw all my old bosses, friends, the people that i replaced and the people who replaced me... and i always had a circle of people to talk with - i never felt awkward.

i also spotted the love statue downtown! perhaps i'll take a picture under it one day...

so exhausted peace out!

this and that.

i just finished get lucky, a novel by katherine center. it was one of those books that i stopped reading with ten pages left because i didn't want to story to end. i wanted to jot down a few quotes:

"life is always a struggle between who you are and who you'd like to be. it's always a negotiation between how you want it and how it is." -page 261

"... thinking about how much everything had changed, and about how heartbreaks and joys in life are all tangled up together. you have to be good at one to be good at the other. in new york, i'd been careful to avoid all the sadnesses i possibly could. but coming home, without ever meaning to, i had plunged neck-deep into an ocean of them. i think it was good for me, in the end." -page 267

i love books where the main character is going through the same challenges - being single and uncertain about her job, future, family. and it's okay to stumble. because in the end, the girl ends up with the right guy. and sometimes, i still need my fairy tale in order to make the most of each moment along the way.

today, i met with my old boss and she came to our reading group. i felt so cosmopolitan - showing off my new city!

one last thing: goals for this summer:

1. take violin lessons

2. visit the zoo

3. go to the art museum

4. see the liberty bell

5. visit the cake boss' shop

6. spend an afternoon downtown in a park

7. barnes foundation house

8. longwood garden

i don't need a boyfriend to make memories!

first funny to remember years from now

sister just called... cousin has to carry around a babydoll to simulate the challenges of fatherhood starting tomorrow... which is also his 16th birthday... he will officially be sixteen and pregnant just like the MTV show! we laughed and laughed. my high school never did that... but i would have loved it! i still remember how serious i took playing house... we had real diaper bags and bottles... oh childhood!

just had to step the morning at the preschool, then went to the lab in the afternoon. then target and dinner at paneras. it's summer but i don't have my summer routine yet.

watching the duggars and going to bed early... gotta clean tomorrow!

one more thing - i woke up this morning, thinking that Portland had wrote an email confessing his love for me... it felt so real... i was driving around today and i had to remind myself it was just a dream! i have so many activities that would be so fun if i had a boyfriend... but life is teaching me to live each moment, and not wait for it to be the "perfect" moment.

when i was home, mama asked me what i would do if the Ex called me and wanted to see me. i really thought he was the one when i was with him... it feels much less certain now that i'm not with him. how could it feel so right- that he was my true love...and now i question those thoughts. people always say "you'll know when he's the one" - and i thought i knew. i wonder what it will feel like when i hopefully one day meet that guy?

a travel day

oh what a long day. i left home, after a wonderful morning. mama, sister, and i went to starbucks and then had a bagel for breakfast. sister moved back home after graduation. so now it's just me that doesn't live at home. i'm a lil envious... we've never lived as a whole family in our new home. they will soon find a routine, and i wonder what it will be like then when i return home.

sister's graduation was a little bittersweet... i remembered my own graduation, and how my dad just was so elated (we share our alma mater). and sister couldn't share her graduation with me... couldn't see how proud and happy he is. she burst into tears at dinner, missing him... and i went right with her to the bathroom - we just hugged and shared that moment of pain. but the day of her graduation went so well! the aunt, uncle, and cousin were actually ready on time; we found a perfect parking spot. and we had great seats - she walked right by us as she entered the ceremony! katie couric gave a great speech - she lost her husband to colon cancer, so she also knows grief. she quoted "the earth is for the living" and that's just how Dad used to live - each moment was filled with life.

sweet dreams!

sister's graduation

sister graduated! i am so proud of her. i'm SO sleepy now... more tomorrow!

books!

one of my favorite bloggers, Kelly, has the perfect inaugural Show us Your Life post for my new blog! I just adore books. I love how they feel - so sturdy and yet the pages are delicate. i love how i can just dip into another world.

i love books about love - first love, finding love, realizing what and who you love. Emily Griffin's Love the One You're With and Lauren Weisberger'sChasing Harry Winston are two "classics" in my mind!

i love historical fiction, like The Kommandant's Girl by Pam Jenoff.

i also love books by Wally Lamb, Jodi Picoult, the Twilight series (the cast was on Oprah yesterday - so fun!) and Harry Potter books.

i am already gathering books to read on vacation this June... i ordered The Carrie Diaries by Candace Bushnell and Heart of the Matter by Emily Griffin. any other suggestions?

just a list

today, in a list (because that's all i'm capable of right now):
1. woke up and had a lovely morning of oatmeal, coffee, and writing a few pages.
2. ran 2 miles at the gym!
3. went downtown for an end-of-our-first-year party. played beer pong and actually got a few cups!
4. lab meeting that went until forever.

day two was a success!

cozy.

today started all wrong. my alarm went off at 7:15am, and i realized suddenly that i needed to leave my apartment at 7:30, if i wanted to catch the parents as they were dropping off their kids at preschool (to schedule their Time 2 visit). well, i ran out the door at 7:50 and although i got to the preschool in time to talk to the parents, i forgot my laptop power cord, so i couldn't stay and observe. so i drove home. but then i had a power hour of cleaning - i can see my floors again! although it's not totally clean, it's much much better. i swear, once i have this apartment finalllly organized, it will never get messy again. i want to be so domestic - i don't understand why i find it so difficult - i think it's because i don't have enough shelves. yes, i will blame the (lack of) shelves.

then i went spinning! day one was a success. i am determined. afterwards, it had started to drizzle and i just felt at peace... i knew i was going home to my apartment that wasn't a disaster zone and i knew what i would make for dinner and i didn't feel lonely. i like those moments.

i wonder if Portland will ever mention again that i should visit him. i can't get a read on him - he calls out of the blue and we talk, and talk... and text back and forth... but then sometimes stretches of time go by... sometimes i wonder if i'm reading too much into it.

and now i'm cozy on my couch. perhaps early to bed and early to rise.

hello, (blog)world.

i just want to capture the moments of my life. today, i finished my first year of grad school - and so much has happened in that year. the ups and downs of school and research... the break-up... i really want to stop looking toward the future and just be in the moment.

i want to remember what books i'm reading and funny moments. and also moments of sadness so that i can look back and realize the truth behind this too shall pass.

i'm twenty-five. i hadn't imagined that i would be single and uncertain if i was on the right path. is grad school really what i want? would i be happy with a desk job as some sort of organizer/project coordinator? i still don't know if i have committed my heart to grad school... sometimes it feels like i am just going through the motions.

i watched the blind side last saturday - what an incredible movie. i hope to one day have that kind of marriage between sandra and her on-screen husband. and to have such a kind, selfless heart! i shall work on that.

i'll be a bridesmaid in a month... uh-oh! step one. eat healthy. step two. exercise. you wouldn't think these two steps would be quite so difficult sometimes. i'm considering today day zero, because, well, i hadn't committed to a month of bridesmaid prep!

dancing with the stars just finished... off to bed. hopefully i have a peaceful sleep, with no final exam looming over my head!

good night.