i've got to get this under control

slept in. homemade iced latte and the sunday new york times. driving range with N and his friend. and then i fell apart. i think i am entering the "desperate" phase of the post-break-up... i so want to see him, talk to him, get back together with him. i hate him so much. i looked at our old photos (poor choice) and we just looked so happy/so perfect together. why was i given this heartache in life? i don't know what God is trying to teach/show me. sometimes life doesn't seem fair - i see all these high school / college friends getting engaged and married and i think, wow. i'm totally alone in life. and they have everything that i want.