Saturday, July 17, 2010

just my day

i slept in til 9am - glorious. and i had a delicious homemade iced coffee. i jogged in the park, and was very hot. but i felt like a runner. (and i had also just downloaded the new eminem cd - that helped!) then i sat by the pool, reading. i volunteered downtown, and met a really sweet girl, who reminded me so much of DS from Yale. and then i went to JS's house-warming party. and MD hadn't arrived yet, so i was forced to mingle. and a girl whom i used to play soccer with for ODP recognized me and we realized we were on rival cup teams and then i knew she also went to ODP camp with me - such a small world. and then MD arrived, with her fiance and a college friend. and we really laughed. and laughed. but every so often, she would look at him, and he would look at her, and my stomach would drop and my heart felt so heavy - i remember those looks, and i wanted Norwalk to be on my doorstep. he wasn't. and he won't ever be. do i miss him? our relationship wasn't perfect, but i honest to goodness thought he would be my husband. the feeling that i had when i was with him .... people say that you "just know" when someone is the one, but i thought i knew... and i was wrong. i missed him tonight. i missed holding his hand and feeling his arms around me, and knowing that i could look at him and he would look back at me and we would know what the other was thinking. i must have faith that i will find love. and Portland never emailed me back. ummm okay.

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